shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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