we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
