and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
