Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
