Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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