Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
