I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
