I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
