today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
