Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just invented taco cereal.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
