During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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