This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
