dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
