i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
