see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
