Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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