I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
