Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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