Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
