I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
