So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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