Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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