it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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