i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
