So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i drank out of a bidet.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
