Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
