Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This house was built for laser tag.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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