is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
