You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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