Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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