I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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