Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
lets start a swedish sibling band together
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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