meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
