what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
