I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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