I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I've blown a few things in my day
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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