Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize