***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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