Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize