Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
