yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
