Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize