So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she smelled like a LAN party
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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