I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
