Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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