Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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