Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
