At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize