he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
