I hope mine doesn't look like that
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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