party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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