just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
