I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
