Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
