my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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