Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My ass is underappreciated
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
