our cab driver is having phone sex.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
