I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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