I'm gonna have a badass scar
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
