don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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