I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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