You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
