Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
