TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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