absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
