thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
