Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
