wat bout pragnant strippers??
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
